Attention Surplus Disorder

Trade figures published by the Government today revealed that trade in attention moved into surplus for the first time, despite speculation that the so-called Credit Crunch might result in a flood of cheap imported attention.

Analysts have explained that the unique attention surplus was caused by two combined factors. First, that there was a significant and rapid increase in output of home-grown attention as manufacturers diversified away from traditional sectors such as trains, planes and automobiles.  Second, there was a fall in demand for imported attention because of the value of Sterling and a perception on the part of consumers that foreign attention was of a lower quality.  The recent scandal over high levels of lead content in imported Chinese attention was partly to blame for this, according to analysts who were not the same analysts mentioned earlier.

These combined factors meant that for the first time since records began - believed to be the flat disc record created by Emile Berliner in 1888 - the UK economy was a net exporter of attention.  Until the last quarter of 2008, the UK had always been in an Attention Deficit Disorder scenario.

The continued strength of US demand for attention in the last quarter of 2008 buoyed UK exporters, whilst Russian and Chinese demand for attention dropped significantly over the same period.

Referring to the unusual conditions, a Government spokesman noted that "the surplus does mean that we may need to re-think our terms of reference and terminology, perhaps instead referring to a generic Attention Status to allow for both deficits and surpluses of attention."

When it was put to the spokesman that this would actually result in an acronym of ASS for the current attention surplus situation, he clearly pretended not to hear.