The Weakly Ouput

Dear Reader,

Almost literally and quite recklessly pouring scalding water on the heels of last week's Weekly Output, I was surprised (and somewhat elated - I don't get out much) to find this week's publication provocatively sticking out of my letterbox. 

I was surprised on two counts. Firstly, that it came so soon (No, don't even!!).  Secondly, that it was indeed not to be found in a hedgerow, retrieved from a skip nor otherwise sourced from one of the many other places that it might have been "delivered" around the margins of the village.  Yip!  I could almost do a jig, if I actually knew how to do one without injury or embarrassment.  I will simply bop up and down a little in my chair in its stead. 

[This is a bad sign.  I'm digressing before I have even started.  It's the interminable loneliness and lack of human social interaction.  Oh, actually - no it's not, it's just how I am inclined to be.]

I promised I would - threatening my eyesight in the process, I will add - report on the Personals section of the Weakly Output.  I will do that in due course.

But, first:

Organic Body Launches
Compostable Bag

I don't know about you, but that's not an image I really want suggested to my very suggestible grey stuff.  Or is that just me, reading too much into it and imagining something quite morbid and tasteless?  Be honest - what's your first reaction to that headline... ?  I may have watched too many episodes of Taggart, perhaps.  Although having written that, I must admit I can't remember too many episodes where I actually hung on until the bitter credit roll end.  Hmm....mmurrrddrrr.  Tggrrrrt.

Second, there is still no sign of the mythical beast which is "Advert Style B" (see previous Weakly Output post).  One of these days I will have to

a) create a new business at Companies House then,
b) buy some office space and purchase the necessary equipment and staff for running said business and then,
c) provide a commercial service or otherwise provide goods to the public at large and then,
d) place an advert in the Weakly Output choosing "Advert Style B" in the coupon.
e) send the filled out coupon with my cheque.
f) wait patiently.

Just because.  I want to see it. 

Third, our "Pic for illustration only" Golden Retriever pup (male, cream, 12 weeks old) is still for sale.  It seems that he has been 12 weeks old for some time now.  If you can imagine it, the photo is a bit like that anti-clubbing photo which was "all-the-rage" a few years ago.  Seal clubbing, that is.  Not night clubbing.  You must remember it - big round baleful eyes, white fur, looking up as if pleading that Athena was only a Greek Goddess and not a poster company?.  It was similar to that other cliched photo - the one with the whale on it where the tail is splashing plumes of water into the air as it surfaces and then dives because it got shy.  Every student house had at least one.  Anyway, I think they need to change their strategy with this "Pic for illustration only".  It's not working.  It put me off and I cannot help but think that it is off-putting to other potential purchasers as well. I can't even be classed as "potential" and my off is definitely put somewhere where it is not going to see the light of day.
The whole thing does provoke more questions than it answers, it must be said. 
Maybe I will call them and ask.  It's someone to talk to, after all.

Fourth, you guessed it. I didn't find a magnifying glass so I could view the personals ads.  I will, however, report back to you shortly on what I gained from perusing them and what eyesight damage I suffered in the process.  With a bit of luck, there will be some interesting tidbits to share with you.   If not, then my eyes will have suffered needlessly.  But, that's the risk I am willing to take for you.